Couples Therapy on Vh1 a cast member admitted to being HIV positive. He talked about how crushing and devastating it was. Not only did that hit home.. he also said he feels like he’s stayed in his relationship because he feels like its the last/only relationship he’ll have.
I’m not over being intentionally being given genital herpes or that whole week or the treatment I received from the gyno. I’m just not. That day truly changed my life. Ive been waist deep in drugs (mind numbing) ever since. I never finshed my 1st semester of college. Im a waitress at a ghetto strip club. I am disappointed with myself and where i am in life. BUT a year ago i met the most amazing man. A man i deserve , but also dont because ive “lied” to him. There’s so many times I’ve stared at him with the words on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell him so bad, but I love him so much I don’t want to do anything to risk losing him.
He knows about my disease. He knew about it before sex.. before we were official even! The thing I’m asking myself now is…
Am I with him because he knows & subconsciously I believe he’s the only guy that will accept that?
I actually can answer that! This man loves me for ME! Every single flaw.. and honestly I love him just the same. That flaw about myself has never, even been brought up.
I love this man with every part of my body. I want to do so much for him; A better person really. Its taking a while & he’s just as frustrated as i am.
Idk how to end this…. #rant